to be honest this is a very sensitive topic to me. but i think that my opinions on these topics will help the opening sequence. being a person who has had similar experiences can be very benificial in this case. it will help build the character and bring out the emotions properly from the actor. so this blog post would be like an interview of myself (sought of) and on my experiences on these topics.
i think at least till i was 13 i did not realise what exactly i had gone through in my childhood, as it all started reflecting back, or maybe continued reflecting since i was really small. i could say it became more prominent. i can call this, a rather bonding experience for my self and my family as it helped all of us become better people, and we all changed and grew and few things still remained the same but i can't complain about it. any sought can cause a person to either become completely submissive or a complete rebel, and i was of the latter kind.
ever since i was young i always stood out for some reason, sometimes for being to quiet, for being too sensitive, for being too creative, for being too different, for confidently doing something that i love and for chasing after the things that motivate and inspire me, it seemed a lot for people around the age of 13 and 14. there was a period were i was really confused on wether i really wanted to stand out or not, and that is where my mental illnesses (plural) come in. i never made good choices when it came to making friends since i was young till a year ago. thus, leading me to have a bad home situation, a bad friend situation, a bad academic situation, a bad 'dream' situation and a bad mental situation.
so here is how it played out, no good friends, no good family situation, lead to depression, thinking i was completely lonely. this depression slowly lead to attention seeking, lets not forget self harm, not very severe but i wanted to recieve help for my mental health situation from my parents, but this is where things started getting out of hand. my parents denied any help at first being in the Indian society, you have to be able to solve your mental problems by yourself. so, i caused more attention and my mother decided to take me to my school counssellor, it was good help, it was better than nothing.
i slowly started getting better but the situation with my family was not that great, not really great with my friends either but at least i was not depressed anymore. but now i am faced with a new situation, i found something i want to do out of my life and here is thing, it seemed a little out of the box, maybe a little more further away from the box, but anyway that drew me attention and for some reason i liked it, but it was not all good attention... in fact my parents did not respond to it well they were actually completely against it, but they have slowly adopted around the idea after about 2 years of persuation and they do support me now. but then thats where my anxiety came in. i suffered from severe exam anxiety. in simple language i hated school, i still do but not as much. i was not able to do what i wanted to and it simply frustrated me and thus, i suffered academically.
now my mother decided it time to see a clinical psychologist as my school councellour recomended, and yeah i don't suffer from anxiety anymore but it has been a long ride even once to the hospital that helped me to become more mature and learn about myself. coming to my last mental problem ODD. i was not aware of it nor were my parents as we were never told the exact name of the disorder, but i am glad i found out through my psychologist, i rebeled for things that even helped me and probably made no sense to rebel to, but i am almost better.
although i am still recieving therapy, i am much better than who i was i have grown from my mistakes, and problems but Zia is not me, she has not grown out of her problems in fact her's are more intense and difficult and more wierd, i can say, if fact her story is much different than mine. but my experience has helped shape Zia, probably just a little bit, but as an insider about what mental illnesses and child abuse is actually like i feel like i can do a better job in portraying Zia in the opening sequence :)
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